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The Jokes

Writer's picture: Kondwani ZuluKondwani Zulu

Out of curiosity, I jump

Out of my bed, I find

Out of my world, a way

Out of stupidity, to cease Out of inferiority, to bear

The things that hold me back.


BREATHE, THAT YOU MAY BE HEALED


Breathe that breath of healing

The second your second foot touches the ground. Take it in before dawn, Take it in even after you yawn.

Breathe that breath of healing The minute that minute idea is revealed

Watch it as it is gaping, watch even as it is going. Breathe that breath of healing A shower of wise thoughts, a shower for good odour. Feel it as you pull, feel it as it pours.

Breathe that breath of healing

A mellow...

Sorry. This is boring. Just ummmm...

Breathe that breath of healing, but don’t cough.

But it’s funnier when people cough.

LOVE IS NOT A REAL PLACE

Wake up, quickly wake up. The world will not wake you. Your dreams, they’re dreams alright, The longings of your heart. Deep dark dirty dancey drama Love is not a real place

Step back on earth, back down to earth. Gravity will not pull you. These fictions, they’re intelligent The iterations in your mind Rich raw reckless rebellious rituals Love is not a real place

Look right, look now to the left, The cars will hit you while you’re not looking. This world, the world exists The skeletons along the road Big bent broken bitter bones Love is not a real place

The pains of the skin,

the tongue, and the bone,

squeeze out of their host,

tears of salt.

The same goes,

for that of the heart. Love, is not a real place.


A GEM THAT WON’T GERMINATE

Sow it.

Wait.

Some water. Weeds. Kill the weeds. You must kill the weeds. Green! It’s green. What is that? I’m watching it grow. There is nothing here. Nothing here but soil. Pressure. Sow it. Pick it up. Sorry. Gems don’t germinate.

WISDOM SLAPS

Pha! [On the left cheek]

Youngster you’re playing

Pha! [Another one on the right] Who do you think you are?

Pha! I’m talking to you. Pha! You can’t hear?

I’ll show you flames. Have you been baptised before?

But what have I...

Pha! Just shut up

By the time I am done with you...

By the time I am done with you...

Ey! Where do you think you’re going?

Pha! This head

Pha!

Pha! This thick head... Pha! of yours

Ahhhhhh I’ve seen. I’ve seen you.

You think you’re very intelligent. Wait a little bit. Just a little bit. You’ve heard? Pha! Have you heard what I’m saying iwe? WISDOM SLAPS!

PARK, REVERSE.

Your seatbelt, put it on After you lock the door Or your house may be robbed

It is better to move after you start the car

Did you close the windows? Check before you start reversing You might hit someone if you have a break-in

You won’t understand If you don’t check your oil frequently The door will start squeaking You will knock it And low gears are good for mud More power, but use lighting only when necessary You won’t get stuck. The house is safe. Park. Your reverse lights are on.

OVERSEAS VEGETABLE

Fly the avocado across the seas

Oh fly the mango overseas.

Fly the pawpaw across the seas Oh fly the guava overseas.

Forgetting not no vegetable.

Forgetting not to weigh it

against the flight of the pig,

and that of the cow.


FIRST BRIGADE

I have been charged to lead the first brigade Me? I look around me

Many, many, many I see Forging. Ahead they keep forging

Hurdles? They get around those

They all have the strength

I think they trust me

Not really clear what they see

Stained glass, sight but not clean

On their own they won’t prevail

Do they doubt themselves?

Fully-grown, fully-grown halves I can’t explain their confidence

Something must be amiss

A well-magnified dirty lens

To see their chance for victory

Is it what they don’t believe?

Lessons, lessons from Kyiv

I should carry out the mission

Suffer the pain, nurse my lesions

I suppose that is the vision

Speak to them and we will conquer

That’s what they need to hear Persistence, persistence the end of our war is near

We all have strength We’ll get around those. The hurdles

Ahead we’ll keep forging. Keep forging

Many, many, many choose me. Me? I’ll try to find the reason

I have been charged to lead the first brigade

IT’S FUNNY WHEN YOU ARE WEAK

When you are weak, you forage for company as you would mushrooms Friends: they’re hard to come by when you are weak. When you are weak you have to venture into the forest,

You have to risk it when you are weak.

When you are weak, you sweep your ceramic floor with a hard broom

Problems: they’re hard to solve when you are weak. When you are weak you have to do with what you have.

You have to try when you are weak.

When you are weak, you scream like a child afraid of an injection

Shoulders: they’re hard to cry on when you are weak

When you are weak you need a handkerchief.

You have to hide when you are weak.

When you are weak, you look in the mirror as did Cinderella.

Compliments: they’re hard to hear when you are weak.

When you are weak you need to speak to yourself. You have to shout when you are weak. When you are weak, you need to be able to change your punctured tire.

Supports: they’re hard t rely on when you’re weak.

When you are weak you need to go home. You need to be independent when you are weak.

Isn’t it funny?


SHE WON’T BREAK

Fighting. She started fighting. She started out fighting.

Guess how she’ll go out?

Fighting. She started fighting. She started out fighting. Guess how she’ll go out? It’s coming from everywhere

Daddy has habits

He loves his daughter

Mummy doesn’t hide it Different waters

It’s coming from everywhere

Mans is undecided

He doesn’t know how

To act like he likes it

Time to go now

It’s coming from everywhere

Work is exciting

Seventy hours

Tick-tock staring

Sleeping hours

It’s coming from everywhere

Family invite me

To waste my time

Friends who love me

Don’t waste my time

It’s coming from everywhere

Fighting

She started fighting

She started out fighting

Guess how she’ll go out?

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